My husband and I don't seem to understand one another.  We've been married for 3 1/2 years and dated for 2 years before getting married.  We've always had our problems but now they are getting worse, not better.  Is there help for us?

Yes, absolutely, especially if you both wish to make the marriage better.  Two people who choose to be together in a happy, loving union, typically benefit from the following:

1) Recognize that each has his/her own wants/desires that need to be communicated to the partner.

2) Be willing to develop compassion and empathy for one another by listening and hearing what the  partner is communicating, especially when you don't think you agree.  Avoid thinking about what your response is going to be and instead try to understand your partner's perspective.  It's not about being right.  It's about understanding and caring about what your partner is expressing to you.

3) Understand you may not ever reach agreement on certain subjects; understand that there will need to be compromises at times.

4) Focus on the positives, the strengths - it's the key to a lasting marriage.

5) There are rules for "fair fighting."  Learn them.  Don't be afraid to discuss issues.  Be as calm and relaxed as you can be - not angry.  If you're angry take some time to regroup.

Statistics show that both men and women want a friendship that is caring, nurturing, and understanding in their marriage.  It impacts all levels of intimacy.  True intimacy that embraces kindness, mutual regard and respect, is what we yearn for in our marriages.  Work towards this in your relationship with one another.  Wendy Taggart